Yah! We're going to have a white Christmas! As I write, we have an inch of snow on the ground, and it is supposed to snow all day tomorrow. It's so pretty outside. People have their Christmas lights and decorations on, and they are reflected in the snow. I have been feeling so stressed and upset lately, that just looking at how peaceful it looks outside, makes me feel like I can breathe again. It's an instant calm.
Right now some kid is spinning doughnuts in the parks parking lot, that is right out our back window. How fun!
Ruth and I are supposed to do a Dallas turn really early in the morning. I wonder how late we're going to be, or even if we make it home tomorrow. I hope we don't get stuck in Dallas.
I think i'm going to go sit in Precious and look at the snow and just chill for a while. What a weird but comforting thing to do.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!!!
1) Are you happy in your choice of career?...Bad time to ask this question. Normally, I would say yes. Right now..see previous entry.
2) Does your work give you any sense of accomplishment?....sometimes, and it also depends on what company i've worked for. At Reno Air, I helped in the training department, working with new hires on the a/c, doing things for the FAA, and giving advice on certain emergencies. At AA..i'm just a number.
3) Do you feel you 'belong' in your current position/job?..yes.
4) Is your work meaningful to you?..not anymore. See #2.
5) What is it that keeps you going to work everyday?...The fact that it is the only job that allows me to go see my honey, and he can come see me, as well as the ability to go visit my family. Also, I really don't know what else I would like to do.
Hate is a strong word, I know, but right now it just isn't even strong enough. I just got off of a 2 day trip, and every leg was a nightmare. I feel such absolute hatred for the general public right now. My body is bruised, from people that think they didn't have enough room in the aisle so they needed to SHOVE me into the galley into the carts that I was working on setting up, as well as press me up against the fuselage so that I took on the shape of the aircraft. My body is sore from the countless times that people felt the need to poke at me and pull on me, trying to get my attention, when loew and behold, could you believe it, I was f**king standing right next to them! My ribs hurt so f**king bad! Then, we have about 20 kids per flight under the age of 5, and do you think ANY of the parents had control? Absolutely not! Did they even try? Hell no! After escaping the galley from being thrown in there, I stood in the back of the aircraft, and thank God that I did...
I found that a certain child under the age of 2 had been turned loose back there, where a parent thought it was a play pen. Guess where we have a lot of emergency equipment? Guess what cancels flights when said emergency equipment has been tampered with? I had to chase this kid down because his hands were over everything, opening up closet doors, etc. and messing with oxygen tubing. I had to actually yell at the parent to take responsibility for his kid before we had to cancel or delay the flight! Later, I had to yell at a guy who was poking at me and pulling on me, to "give me a minute and leave me alone!" I had to yell at another guy today for poking me, and we're not talking a slight prod here, we're talking full on between the ribs and hurting the lungs! I just belted it out "Please DON'T poke me!"
People were rude, obnoxious, stupid, moronic, and just absolute assholes to the largest extent. I really can't wait to go to work again tomorrow and do 4, yes, 4 f'in legs! A Denver turn and a ST. Louis turn. I have so much hate inside of me right now that it actually makes me want to be sick! Thank God, Kirk bought me a brand new bottle of wine. It's mine, all mine!!!! "MY PREEEECIOUS..."
The only good thing is that Ruth and I were able to see the new LOTR movie. All I can say is that I really wish I could mount a horse like Legolas does!
1. What holiday(s) do you celebrate this time of year? -----Christmas
2. What was the best gift you have ever received?-----For an in general gift, it was my horse. Specifically Christmas, it would be anything that was for my horse. Oh..my tack box that my grandpa made for me when I was 12 or 13. I still use it out at the barn.
3. What was the worst gift you've ever received? ------I haven't.
4. Where will you be celebrating the holidays? Are you hosting or going away?-----St. George, UT, I guess, the weekend after Christmas.
5. If you could spend the holidays with someone who isn't around, who would it be and why?-----Ed!!!!!! I want to hug him, and squeeze him, and kiss him all over! I miss him! I want to be with him!
You know how you do a physical activity and realize there are muscles in places you never really thought about? I realized today that in my hands I have a lot of muscles.
I had a riding lesson today. For some reason the horses didn't get turned out to pasture today, so they've just been in their stalls. So I had a very "hot" horse to ride. He had energy in him that could have powered all of Ed's computer stuff as well as the rest of his apartment, for a week. He was bolting, and trying to run off with me half the time. He was stiffer than a 2x4, and wouldn't collect and bend at all. I'd use my left rein to bend him left, so he pulled to the right. I'd ask him to slow down, he bolted. I couldn't use any leg on him whatsoever because he'd take off like a tornado. The spinning included.
He found things to spook at, just because it gave him an excuse to be crazy and run off,(you know how pidgeons like to eat horses!), He was pulling on me and resisting me so bad that my hands started burning and cramping up. By the time my lesson ended, my hands were swollen! (They were "pumped up" you know :) ). To get off of him, I could barely get the reins out of my hands.
Just sitting here, I realized something else...Butts are muscles too. I don't think Ed takes me seriously when I say that sometimes it feels good to have a "butt rub" :) Of all the times Aspen kept throwing me back in the saddle, switching his leads on me at the canter, swinging his butt this way and that way, and from just trying to stay in the saddle, my butt hurts too! If this keeps up, i'm going to have muscular hands and a tight butt. The latter I wouldn't mind.
It still ended well. We both compromised on a few things, so we got things done. I just can't use my hands right now to really do much because they are too weak. What a weird feeling.
I'm so tired right now, that I could cry, except that it would take to much energy to do that. For the past month and a half, i've had to wake up between 3 and 5am. I am NOT a morning person. This is killing me. I'm about ready to go to the store and get some Preperation H to put underneath my eyes. They're getting so puffy, I almost can't see out of them. Poor little me, I know. Only half a month left and then i'm trying to change my sign-in times at the airport. I get to work with Ruth some of the time, but I feel bad for her, because I know that I am not a pleasure to be around that early in the morning. At least I have tomorrow off. I get to sleep in! I pity the fool who would dare to wake me up in the morning. :)
Friday Five!
1. Where were you born? Portland, Oregon
2. If you still live there, where would you rather move to? If you don't live there, do you want to move back? Why or why not? I would love to move back to western Oregon, or I would love to move someplace around Denver or Colorado Springs, CO.
3. Where in the world do you feel the safest? Aspen's stall, (if he's in it).
4. Do you feel you are well-traveled? Definately yes, in the U.S. and parts of Canada. Anywhere else, no.
5. Where is the most interesting place you've been? Sydney, Australia and the surrounding mountains there. (the "Blue Mountains"). That place is soooo awesome!
Because comments haven't been allowed in his blog, this will have to do....
You're upset about work because of what the holiday season does to you......well, Ruth and I have a new perspective to put on it for you....
If we weren't in good relationships, we would want you to come to our door too! We would be ordering things all the time just so you would come to our door everyday, and yes, we would chase you down asking if you need our signature, not because we think you need it, but because it would be a great excuse to see you and to give you our phone numbers! Think of all the lonely women, in bad marriages, who see that winning smile on your face, and you put that little bit of sunshine in their day, and all they want is a piece of Brown...
Just think of how many people are happy to see you! I remember in college how excited we were when we saw the "Up's Man" arrive.
Or...you could look at it this way....as flight attendants, we're just getting you back, because you're just one more of our problems on our flight. A drunk/hungover passenger who is in a bad mood, is not exactly a joy to spend time with in a big metal tube.
To Brendi, don't be getting any bad ideas! Ruth is very happy with Kirk, and I am the happiest I have been in a VERY long time, with Ed.
I just love "light bulb" moments. They are always so simple, but what an impact they make.
I had a riding lesson today, the first in over 3 months. I tend to take it easy on Aspen through the winter so I haven't been working him to hard, plus i've been spending some time in L.A. I rode him yesterday, and all things considered, he did very well. He was a bit of a fireball, but he still worked well. So today in my lesson we were actually able to pick up from where we left off. Two things I have been having a problem with are keeping him collected in the trot to canter transition, and to get him to engage with his hind end. I also have a problem feeling his hind end movements, even though I can feel everything going on up in the front end. So....Laura, (my instructor), had me move my leg on him differently and "sponge" on the outside rein in time to the movement of his stride to keep him collected in our transition. Just keeping the timing to his stride was the first light bulb moment.
The second was that she actually had us working over trot poles to get him to use his hiny to get over them. That was like a knock in the head to me cuz all of a sudden, I could feel him powering up back there, and what a feeling! Just feeling his approach into the trot poles was like"Wow, that's what i'm supposed to be feeling!" I was then able to use that with his canter work, which also helped with the first problem I had. It's amazing how something so simple can help so much. I just love light bulb moments. :)
1. What is your lineage? Where are your ancestors from? Norweigan, German, and Cherokee
2. Of those countries, which would you most like to visit? Definately Norway
3. Which would you least like to visit? Why? None. I'd like to visit them all and learn more about them.
4. Do you do anything during the year to celebrate or recognize your heritage? Eating Leftsa at Christmas! It's a Norweigan flat bread and it's yummy.
5. Who were the first ancestors to move to your present country (parents, grandparents, etc)? The Cherokee, maybe? :) Besides them, it would be both sets of great grandparents on both parents sides
Since everyone else is bitching, I think I will too.
Two people that I care about the most in this world, (except my parents), have turned into their parents, and can't even see it, or just don't want to. Because of this, I have taken their place in that family. I'm the one that gets bitched at, and told, "tell this person such and such a thing..", and asked, "why is this person doing such and such a thing?". The exact same things that the brother complains about his father, I see him doing. The things the sister compains about her mother, she does now to me.
I sit here now, listening to my Godsmack cd, trying to unwind from the chaos that ensued today. I've been trying to help the sister calm down, and now i'm wondering what is going to be said by the brother, to me, later on. It's very hard when I can see the two sides of the story. Even though I keep telling myself, "Don't worry about it. It's between them and it doesn't involve you.", I can't help but be effected by it. I get totally wound-up about it. Maybe it's just a case of sibling rivaly, who knows. My problem is that, that is something that I can not understand, and never will, because i'm an only child, which is something I have thanked God for many times, and this is one of them.
I can definately tell this is going to be a night that is a metal night. Where I can't sleep, thinking about the two of them, and the things that were done and said, so I just put on my headphones and try to get lost in my music. I know this is a punk site, but i'm a pure metalhead through and through. My bed partners tonight will be Disturbed, Godsmack, Testament, and Rob Zombie. Screw the Calgon.....Disturbed, take me away!!!!!!!!!
What a yucky Thanksgiving. I am so glad it's over. I was fortunate enough to spend it in Oklahoma City. The city was completely shut down, it was a ghost town. Nothing was open, not even the hotel restaurant. However, they did have a buffet that we, (the crew), were able to go to only because one of our pilots fought to get us in there. Everyone I talked to on the phone that day was with family, friends, or loved ones. It just made me feel more alone. Again. I tried not to indulge myself in self pity, and to be happy for everyone, but that didn't work real well. Something about an echoing hotel room in a somewhat empty hotel, doesn't let you forget that, once again, i'm left out of holiday gatherings. I guess that's the glamorous part of my job.
The flip side to this is that it's finally over and I have Christmas to think about now. Ruth and I went Christmas Shopping yesterday and I actually enjoyed it. Why? Because I knew what I was shopping for, and I love to give people gifts.
Also, a crazy thing that I do, is I decorate my horse's stall for Christmas. That always puts me in a good mood. I did that today, actually, and it turned out really good. Very festive and very pretty. The reason I do this is because I really don't have my own place that I can decorate and do whatever I want to do. I also don't really care because it's just me. However, with Aspen, my horse, he's the only family that I have this side of the Columbia River. (Yes, that's the river that runs through western Oregon.) He's my kid. So, It's my way of celebrating with my family. It's just him and I. He even helped. He threw things out of the bags for me, and he helped hold the floral garland while I wrapped the white garland around it. It was a family effort. So today I feel much better about the holidays, thanks to Aspen.
1. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Including all kinds of barn boots, I have 24.
2. What type of shoe do you prefer (boots, sneakers, etc.)? CFMB'S and CFMP'S
3. What is your favorite pair of shoes. Why? My CFM boots! Yah, Baby!}:-)
4. What's the most you've spent on one pair of shoes? Dress boots: $95, Dress riding boots: $200
5. What's the one pair of shoes you most want? The $500 CFM boots I found at Saks 5th Ave, in New York. Black Italian leather, stilletto heal, not to pointy of a toe, and the leather felt like it was butter in your hand.